Mia is the Fall 2022 Dressage Dreamer Award recipient (sponsored by Optimum Equine, LLC).
One of my first memories of my entire life was on the back of a horse. I was two years old, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. This is a memory that changed my life forever, and no matter how many decades go by, I will never forget it. Her name was Honey Buns, and she was one of a kind. She was a beautiful, loyal, and special mare who above all else was kind.
On a warm summer evening in North Carolina, and sort of on a whim, my auntie Nancy, who has recently passed on, threw me up onto Honey Buns and told me to hold on tight to her beautiful mane. And I felt a feeling I had never felt before in my young life. I was changed. It was transcendent. It was like an out-of-body experience. And in that moment I knew, that is what I needed to feel every single day. And naturally, when it was time to dismount, I didn’t want to stop. I never wanted to stop. Over the last few decades since then, I have worked every single day to make my dreams come true, and for the first time in my life, I have horses of my own, and I feel like I can finally breathe; like I am finally whole.
My ancestors, for millennia, have been horsemen and horsewomen. Their blood runs through my veins. From my ancient, tribal, Bedouin ancestors who escaped persecution and fled from genocide on the backs of horses; to my father, who trained horses for work and ran a taxi company in Iran using horse drawn carriages. Just as generational trauma leaves memories via scars on your soul, I also think that you can have generational muscle memory that draws you to the same passions of and lives of your ancestors. So, in a way, I feel like horses are a part of my DNA that predates my existence and the common era as we know it. Like a fingerprint left on your heart.
My current goals are the Paris 2024 Olympic and Paralympic Games, The World Dressage Champions in 2026, and the LA 2028 Olympic and Paralympic Games. I am a top contender for all of these. If I am to be successful in this goal, I would be the first ever Person of Color to represent US Dressage or Para Dressage in any Olympics, Paralympics, or World Championship.
I am not only on track but also ahead of the timeline necessary to be able to qualify for not only Paris 2024 but also WC 2026 and LA 2028. The steps I have taken toward my goal are as follows: I currently have 3 horses, Pudding, Meo, and Leo that are ages 8, 5, and 4. I have strategically bought these horses at these ages to have my bases covered not only for Paris but also for LA and the World Championships. Not only will I have 2-3 horses in contention at one time, they give me security against lameness, age, etc. so I need not lose a second of time training and qualifying for each of my goals. I am also exceeding every qualifying score necessary at each and every CPEDI (international Para Dressage competition) and breaking records at both The World Championship Selection Trials in Tryon in June but also The Festival of Champions National Championship (at which I won overall champion) in Chicago IL in August. I am also currently a finalist for one of the most prestigious international awards for riders of all disciplines: The FEI Against All Odds Award which is awarded to “an inspiring individual who has pursued their equestrian ambitions and overcome challenges and obstacles along the way.” In this last year, I have gone from 29th to 13th in the FEI World Individual Ranking for ALL riders from ALL countries in the world that are in my grade. And for Team USA, I am ranked second in the World Individual Ranking for grade 2. I am now considered to be an athlete of distinction by the Selection Committee and The US Team. I will be competing all over the world to make my dreams a reality, and I am closer than ever to making that happen.
In 2013, my life changed forever when I survived a brutal assault that left me with a TBI, PTSD, and several other debilitating conditions. I had to relearn how to speak, read, and write. It was like my hard-drive being wiped clean and having to start my entire life over from nothing. One year later, I was hit head on by a drunk driver which left me with a fractured T12 and subsequent TBI. After that, I am now and forever will be a wheelchair user for the rest of my life.
I am very open about my mental and physical health. People think that “surviving assault” is just staying alive through being attacked, but the reality of the situation is that the real fighting for your life comes after. Fighting for your life after trauma comes in the form of living life through victim blaming, through coming to terms with your newly different and permanently disabled body, through learning to love yourself unconditionally, being patient with your brain while you struggle with brain fog, confusion, and fatigue, and being patient with your heart while you learn to manage the symptoms of your PTSD. This gave me a whole new perspective on life and gratitude. There were a few days where I wasn’t sure that I would live to see another day. But with a lot of work, I am thankful for every moment that I am alive. I am thankful not only that I have a future but that it has been made so bright by the people in my life. I have survived everything life has thrown at me to make it to exactly where I am meant to be, today.
Outside of my Dressage career, I have been an avid advocate for the intersectional rights of marginalized people, women, People of Color, the disability community, and low income communities, amongst other causes. These causes are especially personal to me because I check every box. As a disabled woman and wheelchair user who is the child of an immigrant family, from a first generation American, Muslim and Baháʼí family, growing up in a post 9/11 world, life has been a slippery slope. Most recently, I made a feminist statement at the World Championship Selection trials by in the middle of my freestyle, dropping my reins, doing a free walk, and playing part if a speech on feminism by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. (Kismet Magazine recently did an article about this.)
It is easy to feel invisible when you don’t fit the mold and it is even easier to feel erased when your sport, your struggle, and your generational trauma is invisible too. But my baba always used to tell me when I was a kid, through actions and the wise words of Rumi ” ت و با بال به دنیا آمدی. شما هرگز در زندگی
نخواهید خزید .” “You were born with wings. You will never crawl through life.”
Dressage has always been my safe space. But as I got older and got more serious about my own dressage career I started to feel different and realized that I didn’t have any idols who looked like me. It might not seem like much to feel ”other” in the sport that’s your whole world, but it carries a heavy and silent weight only those who’ve experienced it will truly understand. I channeled the feelings of isolation and detachment into fuel for my dream to fill that space and be the person that young me would’ve done anything to see on that podium. I’ve chased this dream for decades and it’s finally coming true. My win is a win for all the unapologetically Brown and beautiful people who grew up feeling different. It’s our differences that make us beautiful and together we’re unstoppable. To anyone who feels other, under-represented, this is for you. You deserve to take up space and wear your team’s colors. You deserve to be seen and heard. You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to be extraordinary.